FML
by Hyuugamistress94
Summary: I farted in class. And its all Neji's fault. Hinata one shot


I farted in class.

Ok awkward, what a total weird and fucking nasty way to start off my first page. Aw, dammit! I cursed! But no one's gonna read this right? Wouldn't want anyone getting a hemorrhage from knowing the fact that sweet little Hinata Hyuga curses. Regularly. In her head. God I'm such a weirdo.

But anyways, let's go back to me farting in class.

It was a warm sunny day . . .

The WORST day to fart on.

You see, not only did I fart in class which is always embarrassing, I farted in front of my crush, the love of my life, my peanut to my butter, my J to the elly, my-

Ok, I'm ranting. But I not only farted in front of my crush, oh no no no, I farted in his face as he humbly bent down to pick up the books I dropped. And awkwardly and humiliatingly enough, I fell more in love with him after I did the deed.

And it's all Neji's fault.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's start from the beginning.

* * *

"Hinata," My cousin Neji grabbed my hand before I could walk into class and pulled me over to the side. This caused all the girls to squeal in delight upon his arrival because Neji was an upperclassman and the girls around me were in my grade and began whispering and gossiping.

"No way could they be related!" I heard a girl whisper. She sucked at it.

"Yeah, he's just _so_ hot!"

"Yes Neji?" I asked depressed. Because talking to a hot super model could do that to me. I practically broke my back just from bending down to pick up a pencil. Let's just say I was only skinny thanks to my genes. And he wasn't really a super model, but he sure as hell looked like one. Six pack washboard abs and all.

He frowned when he looked at me. "You always look so depressed."

'_You came all the fucking way here to tell me that_?!'

"I d-do?" I asked with wide eyes. There was a subliminally imbedded message of a fat load of SARCASM in those two words I uttered.

"Yes," Neji told me. "I'm giving you a diary so you can write down your feelings and express yourself. Maybe this will help you." He said as he handed me a hello kitty diary that came with stickers.

"What the fuck is this?" I muttered. What am I? 10?!

"What was that? I didn't hear you." Neji asked as he leaned closer to me.

"Uh, I s-said I l-like it!" I said but I wasn't able to convince Neji because he rolled his eyes.

"I know it's a little childish for a 15 year old, but it has paper in it and you just need to write in it."

"Yeah, b-but," I looked it over. "There's glitter e-everywhere,"

Neji glared at me. "Come on Hinata, you're acting like it's going to make you _fart_ or something _utterly disgusting_ like that! I didn't have to get this for you, you know! If you drop it or throw it away something bad will happen to you!"

"I'm s-sorry," I said as I bowed to him. It's the thought that counts right?

"Stop that!" He ordered before hauling me out of my bowing position, "Just go to class before you're late." He muttered. He hated when I bowed to him for some weird reason and the blush he tried to hide added some much needed color to his cheeks.

"Ok!" I said, always happy to get away from my over protective ass of a cousin and the girls quickly swooped in for the kill.

"Is he really your cousin?" Sakura Haruno sniffed at me with her nose waving in the air. Now I will never get to class.

"Because he looks waaay too hot for you two to be related." Ino butted in.

"I bet you're adopted!" Karin sneered and I lowered my eyes. Their stupidity was highly contagious and eye contact would prove to be fatal.

I was about to say something I'm sure sounded witty and smart in my head but in reality sounded corny and slightly inappropriate when a deep voice said-

"Move."

And just like that, the sea of sluts parted and out stepped Sasuke Uchiha: the number one panty dropper in school.

"Excuse me," his blonde (utterly fucking sexy beast of all fucking time) companion Naruto, came through right afterwards. I kinda had a crush on him if you didn't notice.

I quickly followed as the girls were distracted with looking at their asses and shuffled like the good little nerd I was to my seat just as the late bell rang.

Talk about being a BOSS!

I placed my bag on top the desk and began taking out my books.

"Hey, You dropped this,"

"NOOOOOOO!" I screamed as Naruto bent down to pick up the ugly fucking cat diary behind me, he looked up (face approximately ass level) as he paused and gave me a questionable look just before his eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted. The only clue as to whom the culprit was, was MY skirt flying back from the not so subtle wind breaking indiscreetly from my ass.

Now let's go over this in slow mo.

As soon as I heard the thud of the hello kitty diary hitting the floor, I knew. I knew my life was over.

Naruto swooped in and grabbed the diary, the ever-courageous knight in shining armor, but today . . . today he was going to be a dead knight in rotten armor.

As I slowly turned my head and screamed "NO!" in agonizing slow motion as I . . . as I . . .

Tooted.

And thoroughly altered my fairytale ending with Naruto as I watched his eyes water, his cheeks jiggle with the force of such overwhelming stink, his lips begin to quiver and his brow begin to drip with sweat as his face paled as he met with death.

Then as his body began to jerk back and spaz like he was having an epileptic seizure, his eyes rolled back till they showed white, and he promptly fell—no, _collapse_, onto the ground with tears streaming down his face only to be burned away as the acidic air dried the liquid.

And everybody in the classroom began to claw each other and foam at the mouth as they tried to be the first one out of the gas chambers.

"OMG SOMEONE HELP! CALL BOMB CONTROL! CALL JESUS!" Kiba screamed as he began to gurgle and choke on his spit.

Call Jes—omg was it that serious?! I looked down at Naruto as his body twitched uncontrollably on the ground.

Ok, maybe it was a little bad.

Someone grabbed Naruto as everybody ran out the door. The teacher flung himself out of the window (we're on the fifth floor) and I heard fire sirens in the distance.

A policeman called out to me through a blow horn from outside.

"WHOEVER YOU ARE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP! THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THE VINCINITY!"

I slowly sat down in my chair and rested my forehead on my desk.

FML

Hyuugamistress94: I just, I just couldn't resist! But review if you laughed! This is a one shot but maybe I'll write more if I get any more ideas, let me know if I should continue!

Please Review:D

^_^ Hyuugamistress94 ^_^


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